How Not To Drink Like An Asshole: Partying In Scottsdale
Ready To Party Like A Rockstar?
Scottsdale is a lovely place to live most months of the year, but by late December and January, everyone flocks to town ready to get wild. The people from the I-states (Iowa, Idaho, Indiana, Illinois), most of Minnesota and half of Canada have been freezing their butts off and are ready for some warmth. With the car auctions like Barrett-Jackson and Russo & Steele, the Arabian Horse Show and the Waste Management Phoenix Open, Scottsdale is the place to be!
It’s Scottsdale, Not Vegas
While many people liken Scottsdale to Las Vegas, it definitely is not. There is a fuckton of fun to be had though so we thought we would give you a few tips on how not to be an asshole and keep those drinks coming! Here are 10 great happy hours in North Scottsdale for you to practice your new moves.
1 The #1 Asshole Move
Drinking and driving. With an estimated 25,000 Uber drivers and who knows how many more Lyft drivers in the Phoenix area, there is no reason to get behind the wheel if you’re going to be drinking. Rightly so, the Scottsdale PD is very strict on drinking and driving. The Phoenix Metro area covers over 14,000 square miles which provides a lot of space for people to nod off after drinking. Don’t be a dick and drive after drinking. Who knows, the life you save may be your own.
2 Waving Your Money At The Bartender
Yes, they’re hot. The bartenders in Old Town range from good looking to smoking hot. But just because they’re pretty doesn’t mean you can get away with poor behavior like waving your money or credit card at the bartender. They see you. Be patient.
Don’t act surprised when the bartender asks what your order is, that’s why you’re there, to get a drink. So be prepared. If the bar is quiet and there aren’t many customers for some crazy reason and you want to ask the bartender about their recommendations, that’s ok. But on a busy night like most nights in January and February, know what you want. Don’t wait to decide until the bartender gets to you.
4 Off Menu Complex Drinks
Most bartenders in Scottsdale are great at slinging a complex, state of the art cocktail. It’s Scottsdale, we’re fancy. But asking for drinks that aren’t on the menu with more than 3 ingredients is a no-no when it’s 4-people deep at the bar. Keep it simple, sexy!
5 Mind Your Lipstick
Don’t apply your lipstick right before sipping from your cocktail or glass of wine. That staying power you pay extra for? That goes for the glass, not just your lips. We want you to look beautiful but keep the lip color to a minimum or drink without smearing it all over your glass. Be classy!
6 Get Your Own Fruit
If you’re hungry, go get a street taco or something. Do not eat out of the garnish tray. That’s the biggest dick move around. Keep your dirty fingers to yourself. It’s ok to ask for an extra olive in your martini but wanting garnish that’s doesn’t go with your drink because you’re hungry is just ridiculous.
7 Yo Buddy
They see you. Trust us, they see you. There are no reasons to call out their names or call them anything at all. Buddy, captain, chief, hottie…. all unacceptable. Snapping your fingers or whistling is also a big fat no-no. Just wait your turn, an extra minute without booze isn’t going to kill you.
8 Tip Generously
Scottsdale bartenders put up with a lot more shenanigans than most bartenders. Show your appreciation by tipping generously. Yes, we know the drinks are expensive. If you’re used to paying $5 for a vodka and soda and now you’re shocked that it’s $15, remember the bartender didn’t set the price but you did choose the place. If you hit a happy hour and do find $5 drinks, maybe sure you tip is at least 20% of that, for those of you who are bad at math that means a buck. Tipping only $1 for a drink means you ordered a beer or wine (and that does not mean Guinness which requires extra work.